I bespeak to let me go

I bespeak to let me go

On my quest to find my destiny

Subsist my own enduring 

Where my true self wants to live

You and before you

Words were said and deeds were done

None to stop none to object

Why am I your guilty subject?

Your natural tendency

Is to devour my identity 

So fragile, so docile

You know I'll never speak

I'm looking out for the silver lining

I can see the stallion among the clouds

You just need to let me go while I'm still young

Trust me I can do it alone

Its now or never

The autumn has begun

Before the spring comes

I want to be home in all my flourish

I beg your fidelity 

Let me prove myself

Taint will not be your glory

I promise you father. 

I can't stop thinking about death

Pessimistic thoughts 

Wind me and unwind me

A way out of this abyss

Is all I seek

Calamity strikes me

Or monstrosity consumes me

I don't care what misery

I just want to stop breathing

Ropes lying around

Blades lost and found

All I see are means to end me

Nothing else makes sense now

I don't have the courage

But still all I want is this to end. 

Ghost of the Past

A phantom chased me 

In the dark blue midnight;

My leg caught on the silk gown,

And I tumbled down the road. 

When the phantom got closer,

I could not see his face. 

Veiled in black he was;

But he called out my name

With such intensity,

That I knew at once, who 

The voice belonged to. 

I got back up and ran

Towards the mansion on the high hill;

The phantom stopped chasing me,

I thought I lost him.

I opened the cobwebbed doors;

They creaked and groaned in defiance. 

"Who's the intruder?"

Yelled someone from upstairs. 

"I'm lost and scared"

Replied I. 

There was nowhere to go,

So I spent the night on the floor;

I wasn't offered any food or drink,

Nor did I ever see the face of the owner. 

When the clock striked midnight,

I heard the doors groan again;

A single flame was approaching me,

I trembled and asked "Who is it?"

The face got closer to the flickering light

And there was my dead lover

"I've come to take you My Love";

Now the ghosts will be heard from the overhead mansion. 

When the time is right

When the time is right

I'll tell you all my secrets

You'll know who I really am

There will be no regrets

I'll tell you all my secrets

I'll tell you my history

There will be no regrets

I'll no longer be a mystery 

I'll tell you my history

And maybe a little biology  

I'll no longer be a mystery 

You'll understand my psychology 

And maybe, a little biology 

You'll know. Who I really am

You'll understand and my psychology 

When the time is right

Emotionless.

I'm not pretty. I need makeup to look good. 

I'm barely a good artist, seeing good artists makes me feel ashamed of myself. 

I'm insecure. I feel I'm good at nothing. 

I constantly fear failure and i do constantly meet failure. 

But I wasn't always like this. 

I was known for my confidence and versatility. I was inspiration to my juniors and me seniors were proud of me. 

I was a good leader, and a good disciple too. 

Now I'm just a waste of time and energy. I don't want to blame anyone for this. I've become someone i never wanted to and i am ashamed of myself but it's not anybody else's fault. I have done this to me. I'm always annoyed and irritated. I don't like people anymore and I don't feel like talking to anybody at all. I don't like my parents either. Even their voices and their existence annoys me. I do dream of my nephew some times but he just seems like a distant memory now. I don't talk to him when he comes on skype. The poor kid loves me, i can see it but I can't just give anything back. I do want to show emotions but they just don't come out. I have become almost emotionless.

Oh what have i done to me? 

Splinters

Shards of hard words in my soul

Are piercing in me a big black hole

I'm bleeding out the chemicals

Digging deep through the ground

I've been trying too hard to make a mark

The shore was washed away again

I think I'm losing all my patience now

I've given all my best somehow

But I can't carry on now, Not anymore 

The epiphany has striked me

And the longanimity has departed me

I'm no longer a part of this conundrum

No wonder the placebo didn't work

I was aware I was being tricked

Jokes on you I'm done listening 

The splinter's hurting

And I'm running out of sanity

Let me rest now

 

Ashes

Hell's perpetual fires

Burning up my frenzied desires

I'm gurgling up a rebellion

Can you feel it frothing?

You sure have claws

That scratched my skin raw

The blood is everywhere

Do you see it spilling?

I barely recognised your voice 

Cold and harsh like beaten up ice

My ephemeral lovesong was meant to be sung

Can you hear it dying?

Just one more knot

Tied up your body to the cot

I'm pouring the fuel around

Don't you smell it burning?

Goodbye my sweet love

Endure what you deserve

I've been waiting to burn you to ashes

Did you see this coming?