However on the eternal quest of trying to fit in and belong one really forgets to exist completely. When i say belong i mean the way a person feels to be at a state of content when he or she is in a situation. But i dont really feel that way anymore. I have discovered that the sense of belonging anywhere at all has disappeared entirely. I'm physically present but something inside tells me that Im not really here. Its not exactly an illusion though. Its like the perpetual reality is just coexisting with the parallel universe of nothingness.
But another thing that really eats me up is the thirst for fame. The undying thirst for recognition and acceptance as the best of the world. Is that really possible though? To be the best? To be the only one people will look up to? Does it mean i want to become God? But i never wanted to be God. I want to be known as someone who has done something to make others happy. In some way. But yes i want popularity. Is it bad?
Maybe eventually I'll just grow out of it and want to disappear into nothingness and succumb to the darkness where nothing matters anymore. Or maybe I'll just build walls around me and cry and die inside but no one will ever know. And it won't even matter.
