Begone oh Promiscuous

Oh promiscuous, your ambiguity has baffled me 

The thunderous cacophony of your dreams

Has awoken me and rendered my nights sleepless

For you have to conquer the battle you started yourself

No, do not try to fathom my life into your promiscuity

I shall neither be thy prey, nor your mistress 

You have played enough games

And won each and every one of them

Why, oh why do you have to then

Play with my holiness and pious generosity?

I forbid you to behold me with thine eyes

Monstrous creature you, now begone!

A letter to my mother

Dear mom,

Remember when i was little

I told you i wanna be just like you

Daddy smiled at my words

And you enjoyed it too

I have grown up now mom

And I know I have let you down

Not once but a hundred times

But you never gave up on me

We had fights, i cried all night

I made you cry too, but you still fed me

Everytime you had faith in me

And everytime you encouraged me

All those times I missed your presence 

When I was about to perform on stage

I have realised how much you have done for me

I have realised how much you have given up for me

I have been mean, I have been heartless 

But you have always forgiven me

And all my mistakes

And all those nights when i cried in sickness

You stayed up and look after me

And all those days you were bedridden 

I made sure I took care of you

Just the way you did

I hope I am your reflection mom

I hope I am like you

Bless me, and love me

Just like you do

Forever, because I love you. 

Castle On A Hill

I saw a magnificent castle on a hill

Its towers up high piercing the clouds 

Conical roofs with slight golden shimmer

Brilliantly covered with a sunny shroud

But the walls looked old and tarnished

And the big metal portcullis was rusted

The moat was definitely all dried up

And the ditch was grime-crusted 

I wonder if anyone lives up there

If there is a princess on one of the towers

I'd like to be her knight and rescue her

If only I could climb above that flimsy bower

But this castle looked way too old

And abandoned as it lost its glory

My fairytales had a different picture

They did not look this profane in the stories

Instead it looks like one of those castles

They show in horror movies and cartoons

With a thundery night, full moon and a wolf howling

Housing a big frightening buffoon

Yes, that must be it

Its nothing but a scary old mansion

I'm glad I didn't linger there long

So much for a monumental attraction. 

My virtue is my duty

With the morning begins my day

Different roles I'm ready to play

Again and again I am perturbed 

But nature and emotions are undisturbed

Silently, without a word, all needs I suffice

Day to night, unsaid unconditional sacrifice

What do I gain from all these duties?

Deteriorating my health and my fugacious beauty

Still, I don't pretend, I take my job seriously 

A homemaker and a mother, working audaciously 

If I don't follow my virtue as my duty

Who else do you think will prove their loyalty?

I bespeak to let me go

I bespeak to let me go

On my quest to find my destiny

Subsist my own enduring 

Where my true self wants to live

You and before you

Words were said and deeds were done

None to stop none to object

Why am I your guilty subject?

Your natural tendency

Is to devour my identity 

So fragile, so docile

You know I'll never speak

I'm looking out for the silver lining

I can see the stallion among the clouds

You just need to let me go while I'm still young

Trust me I can do it alone

Its now or never

The autumn has begun

Before the spring comes

I want to be home in all my flourish

I beg your fidelity 

Let me prove myself

Taint will not be your glory

I promise you father. 

I can't stop thinking about death

Pessimistic thoughts 

Wind me and unwind me

A way out of this abyss

Is all I seek

Calamity strikes me

Or monstrosity consumes me

I don't care what misery

I just want to stop breathing

Ropes lying around

Blades lost and found

All I see are means to end me

Nothing else makes sense now

I don't have the courage

But still all I want is this to end. 

Ghost of the Past

A phantom chased me 

In the dark blue midnight;

My leg caught on the silk gown,

And I tumbled down the road. 

When the phantom got closer,

I could not see his face. 

Veiled in black he was;

But he called out my name

With such intensity,

That I knew at once, who 

The voice belonged to. 

I got back up and ran

Towards the mansion on the high hill;

The phantom stopped chasing me,

I thought I lost him.

I opened the cobwebbed doors;

They creaked and groaned in defiance. 

"Who's the intruder?"

Yelled someone from upstairs. 

"I'm lost and scared"

Replied I. 

There was nowhere to go,

So I spent the night on the floor;

I wasn't offered any food or drink,

Nor did I ever see the face of the owner. 

When the clock striked midnight,

I heard the doors groan again;

A single flame was approaching me,

I trembled and asked "Who is it?"

The face got closer to the flickering light

And there was my dead lover

"I've come to take you My Love";

Now the ghosts will be heard from the overhead mansion. 

When the time is right

When the time is right

I'll tell you all my secrets

You'll know who I really am

There will be no regrets

I'll tell you all my secrets

I'll tell you my history

There will be no regrets

I'll no longer be a mystery 

I'll tell you my history

And maybe a little biology  

I'll no longer be a mystery 

You'll understand my psychology 

And maybe, a little biology 

You'll know. Who I really am

You'll understand and my psychology 

When the time is right

Emotionless.

I'm not pretty. I need makeup to look good. 

I'm barely a good artist, seeing good artists makes me feel ashamed of myself. 

I'm insecure. I feel I'm good at nothing. 

I constantly fear failure and i do constantly meet failure. 

But I wasn't always like this. 

I was known for my confidence and versatility. I was inspiration to my juniors and me seniors were proud of me. 

I was a good leader, and a good disciple too. 

Now I'm just a waste of time and energy. I don't want to blame anyone for this. I've become someone i never wanted to and i am ashamed of myself but it's not anybody else's fault. I have done this to me. I'm always annoyed and irritated. I don't like people anymore and I don't feel like talking to anybody at all. I don't like my parents either. Even their voices and their existence annoys me. I do dream of my nephew some times but he just seems like a distant memory now. I don't talk to him when he comes on skype. The poor kid loves me, i can see it but I can't just give anything back. I do want to show emotions but they just don't come out. I have become almost emotionless.

Oh what have i done to me? 

Splinters

Shards of hard words in my soul

Are piercing in me a big black hole

I'm bleeding out the chemicals

Digging deep through the ground

I've been trying too hard to make a mark

The shore was washed away again

I think I'm losing all my patience now

I've given all my best somehow

But I can't carry on now, Not anymore 

The epiphany has striked me

And the longanimity has departed me

I'm no longer a part of this conundrum

No wonder the placebo didn't work

I was aware I was being tricked

Jokes on you I'm done listening 

The splinter's hurting

And I'm running out of sanity

Let me rest now